Quote

If I get it all down on paper, it's no longerInside of me threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loudAnd I know that you'll use them however you want to~ Anna Nalick

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Telling the Children

I'm going to talk about a thing without making it a thing, because that's really not my thing.

A thing has happened and people are asking how they are going to talk to their kids about it.  Other people are saying that's a dumb question.  I hope the second set of people take a moment and speak humbly if and when their child asks them a question.

Kids listen to more than you think.  They hear words and interpret them in their minds.  Because of some of these things that they've heard and interpreted, they may think that some of their friends are going to be sent away.  They may have questions about the stability of their family structure, should it happen to not be 'traditional'.  Again, they are asking these questions because of things that were actually said.

Children are so important and my own children mean more to me than anything describable.  It's hard as a parent to see your children have to ask difficult and confusing questions and it makes me sad to know there is worry in their hearts.

However you decide to answer these questions, make sure they are guided with love and kindness and logic.  Even if things seem chaotic and unfair, it is survivable.  Life is full of moments that are chaotic and unfair, on different scales at different times.  This can be an opportunity to nurture, to comfort, and to educate with a foundation of compassion and respect.  Remember that they will encounter, just as you have, moments throughout their lives that are shockingly disturbing and that make no sense.  So make sure you give them the strength and knowledge to help those that need help, have a strong moral and respectful core, and to do so with kindness.  This will help them make good decisions, be a strong support system for their friends, peers, and loved ones, and it will help them endure hard times and advocate for better ones.  

I take comfort in knowing I'm either too naive to notice the hatred in the people close to me, or more likely, I've purged the hatred (see post) and have successfully surrounded myself with people that promote and demonstrate love and acceptance.  There is no room for hate and it is counter-productive and ineffective and a waste of energy and emotion.  Unless you have walked in someone else's shoes you can have NO idea what it feels like to experience something they may have. 

And on that note I leave you with three thoughts:

  • I still love and respect this country and I am very proud to be an American despite the unsettled feeling in my gut.
  • Just because you are a Christian does not mean you have to be a Republican.  Seriously this drives me crazy.  Think independently.
  • Eat that turkey, all night long.  Fifty million Elvis fans can't be wrong.  Yes, it's that time of year.  FOOD!  :)
Human as to human
The future is no place
To place your better days
~ djm

Monday, April 27, 2015

Whatcha Gonna Do Bad Boys?

     There are a few reasons I don't watch the news.  Ok, there's one real reason I don't watch the news: it's spun.  Truth be told, it's a realization I've had only in recent years.  Why?  Why should I be so naive?  Why SHOULDN'T I?  There's absolutely no reason to not report facts, that's why.  Not in a free country anyway.  And yet, it happens day in and day out.  Only the grim stories or reports with a hidden agenda make it to print or script.  You can't throw in some miracle puppies saved from a fire or a soldier returning to surprise his kid at school to balance out the crap.  Nice try, but no.

     So I don't watch the news but obviously I still gather what goes on in the world because everything I do is saturated with it.  I'm a geek; I'm on the computer and my phone a lot; I see and read things.  But today I'm angry with the media.  There are deluded people doing reprehensible things in Baltimore tonight.  And tonight CNN, ABC, NBC, the Associate Press... all those a-holes are reporting on these riots.  Please make no mistake - these are riots.  'Baltimore is in chaos', 'there's a state of emergency', 'the national guard is needed' - yes please news, tell us more.  Those 'news' organizations have been prepping for this for months.  They have been continuously feeding an unnecessary flame of suspicion and hate towards law enforcement.  So they should not be surprised that this was the reaction towards an incident.  In fact, I hope they have a difficult time sleeping at night, filled with shame and regret.

      Just so that we are very clear, I am 100% behind law enforcement and what they stand for and I respect officers every day.  No one is perfect.  There are crooked and bad people everywhere you go.  It is worse when it comes to light that the people that are supposed to protect you are bad guys.  It's very sad in fact.  Just like if a parent or teacher or family member abuses a child.  That's severe betrayal.  But I certainly don't riot against my mom or her things just because there are bad moms out there that abuse their kids.  And I will always respect the law and the men and women that put their lives at risk on a daily basis to uphold the law that protects me and my family.  The bad seeds will get punished.  Things always come back around.

Guess what?  That's how a society works.  What is the alternative?  No police?  Martial law?  Don't be idiots.

There's so much more to say about this but it's late and I'm tired.  Stay tuned, there will be a part II.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Something Wrinkled, Patriotic and TV

Busy busy busy!!  I've got a lot to catch up on so bear with me.

What's been going on?  How are you all doing with this cold, miserable winter?  How is everyone's purge going?  It's hard, right?  I'm having a hard time with a few myself.  But like you sometimes need to stick your finger down your throat to help get out bad food or too much booze, think about the end result and help yourself out.  Know you'll be better in the end.  And cliche, but TRUE...



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I aged since I last posted.  Getting older is certainly something.  I have more gray hairs than I can possibly keep up with, so thank goodness for my Beash ;)
And apparently I'm going to be the angry wrinkler.  What do I mean??

Not forehead lines:
 Or smiley lines:
 Or smiley eye lines:
 But the angry lines.  I can't really help it, although I'm super conscious of it now.  That's my thinking face.  Or my "I can't comprehend your idiocy" face.  Or my hurt face, or my squinty asian eye face or my sour face or my 'something smells bad' face:
 If someday I end up like wicked happy, toothless, wrinkly halmoni - that will be ok I guess:

Every year I notice new things and I feel like I look older and sometimes it's hard.   But I do want to thank everyone that wished me well and celebrated with me.  Fun times were had :)

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The Olympics end today.  It's a short two weeks, really, but so powerful at the same time.  I hope you were able to watch the opening ceremonies and some of the games.  And damn if those stories with athletes that they profile don't make me cry every time.  And those Olympic Mom commercials.  I'm such a softie!  We should try to not take for granted what an amazing event happens every two years.  Whether summer or winter, what we are watching is the platform where athletes display what they work their WHOLE LIVES for.  And the setting this year was quite stunning.  The foundation is peace and unity and gives nations a chance to cheer for and support their athletes and root for their flag as one people.


Think of how great it feels to win conference.  Or regionals.  And state!  Then to compete on the national level is pretty amazing.  I was able to go to the AAU Track and Field Junior Olympics in Michigan last year and those athletes were amazing.  The meet itself was awesome to watch.  I was so proud of the qualifiers that I was able to bring!  The international circuit must feel like a whole new world and level of competition.  

So, good job, U S A !!!

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I just watched the premiere episode of Jimmy Fallon hosting The Tonight Show and while it's fresh in my mind, I want to talk about it.  Please, if you can, watch it.  First of all, excellent job.  I'm so happy to see Jimmy in this role.  The show was funny, talented and classy.  My favorite part was the evidence that Jimmy appreciated every minute.  I know he fought back tears through a lot of that whole show.  I've saved it and I'll watch it again.  

In November of 2003, I went to Hollywood for a bachelorette party.  It was a good time (albeit expensive!) and I was able to go to cool places and see many things.  I stood in line all day and was right in front during the taping of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.  I shook his hand.  Guests were Jennifer Garner, Paul Bettany and Jason Mraz.  I remember Paul being VERY funny and Jason winking at me while he sang "You and I Both".

That still might be my favorite of his <3

Sorry, squirreled.  Point is, Jay was fine, whatever.  The very next year Jay announced his retirement in five years - 2009.  I was ecstatic since:
I did watch the Tonight Show for many years sometimes just as a routine before bed.  However in 2010 with the great debacle....I never watched again.  Say what you will, there are many sides to the story, but I do put a lot of the blame on Jay.  I think he acted like an asshat.  Someone who wears an ass... for a hat.

Conan is strong, funny, weird, silly and he promotes positivity.  His humor and that of his writers is exactly the kind that tickles me.  I think he's a great man.  And yet, he only was able to live his dream for six short months before it was taken from him forever.  Longer than the Olympics, but you get the idea.  During the break and before his time on his current TBS show, he PAID staff members with his own money.  He's just a great guy.  I saw him at the Chicago Theatre in 2006 with guests Barack Obama (Senator) and Wilco.  He brought in Andy Richter and they went for a ride with his desk (one of my favorite skits) and blew up the cow that started the Chicago fire.  There was a tour of Chi town with Mr. T that was absolutely hysterical and if you've never seen it - I pity the foo.  Joe and Andrew and I waited all day in the rain to see that show and it was totally worth it.  Pizzeria Uno came out and gave us free slices and then - the tall, skinny, pale man himself came out.  I was very very close to him and it was fantastic!!

Long live Conan and his humor and his propensity to make people happy and his love of doing so.
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Thanks to all of you for being in my life and contributing in some way.  On Thursday I have my follow up appointment with the neurosurgeon and after that I'll be updating you all on that situation and giving the background as well.
Hah!  How's THAT for a cliffhanger???

Saturday, January 25, 2014

How to Have a Stress-Free New Year

I wonder how many people I suckered in with that title... Been awhile, hmm? Sorry. Life happened.

I want to wear red lipstick. I think it's so pretty and glamorous but I think I look weird wearing it. But I want to. Maybe I will this year. It's not a resolution, don't worry. Maybe more like a goal. Maybe I'll wear it on Halloween so that people will say "Oh! Red lipstick!" And I'll say "Halloween!" And I will have worn it and it will be acceptable-ish or maybe even better.


I also want to eat chocolate cake. 75 calorie chocolate cake with frosting that tastes like 1250 calorie chocolate cake. No such thing exists but that doesn't help me from wanting it.


Winter needs to die. We've had 8 winters packed into 6 weeks.


Do any of these things have to do with having a stress-free new year?? Not that I know of, no. But I squirrel a lot and I disclaimered that in my first post.


A little more seriously though, is something about me. If you don't know me that well, the fact is: I have too many feelings. I'm far too damn sensitive, I dwell on and over think most things, I'm irrationally (and rationally) passionate about both things that matter and don't matter, I take things too seriously, and I do care what people think. Why do I tell you these things?? Am I squirrelling again??!! No. That was to help illustrate that my tips on a stress-free new year might be legit seeing as how most people probably won't have the same level of self-induced stress that I do.


Our bodies are an amazing creation. When something is in our system that doesn't belong, our body tries to get rid of it. I won't get into the gross details but you all know exactly what I'm talking about! My advice is the same: purge. Things....and people...that are toxic in your life do not belong there. This is absolutely not an easy thing to realize or address. For most people it comes with pain. The thought of "breaking up" with bad habits, unsatisfying careers, and incompatible people is REALLY difficult and actually doing it can be very painful.

Maybe you eat too much chocolate cake. You love chocolate cake but somehow (this is a poor example because God forbid it EVER be true) it's hurting you. Not the typical 'forever on the hips' kind of hurt you, but maybe it's giving you leprosy. I am literally laughing at myself right now. Awesome example, Nae.

Maybe you have a job and things aren't fair. Things aren't fair in any job, really. But if you stress about the unfairness it's going to affect your performance and the way others perceive you. And you'll be the one that ends up suffering from several angles. Don't worry about that person on your team that doesn't pull their weight. Somehow, some way - natural selection will take course and that wildebeast...that wounded, baby wildebeast...will get picked off. You just have to believe it will happen and purge yourself of all the negative energy that their existence brings. Do YOUR best. It will pay off. In yourself and with those that matter. And you'll just feel better.

Maybe you have a relationship with someone, friend or other, that always seems to upset you in some way. Maybe it's that kind of upset that you don't really even expose others to but that you feel in your heart. Sometimes, like in Seinfeld, it's best to end it quickly - like a bandaid "RIGHT OFF!" Maybe it's a family member. You can't really purge your family. But you can still come to terms with the toxicity in your life and realize...maybe you can't be as close to that person anymore.

All of these things are not easy to do. They do take place like a breakup. It hurts. A lot even. It might be the kind of thing that consumes you. And keeps you up at night. And makes you cry. 

I have gone through these types of purges - both willingly and not by my choice. I've been the one that's been purged before. And I realize eventually that after the emotion, I do feel cleansed and more calm and less anxious and happier.

I already know that some of you think this is a cheap defense mechanism to protect myself. It might be, when it's my choice. When it's not then I have to deal with it regardless. But I can't say there's really anything bad about finding inner strength and what it comes down to is that's really all it is. When you purge you have to find the good solid things within to stand on. This doesn't guarantee you a stress free new year, but it will help. No mo' drama. That's all I have to say about that.

In other news, how about we try being better spellers for the new year? I will blog more about the importance of good communication another time. There's an argument that I don't have enough pictures in my blog. So to kill two ideas with one jpeg, here's what I look like when I read something you've misspelled:

Hideous.

Peace everyone. Maybe you can climb down from your comfortable tree just to try something new and be a proud monkey...

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Sweet Like Kandee

My beautiful daughter, prior to her current obsession with the ever-popular Minecraft, went through a lengthy phase of watching makeup tutorials on YouTube.  I have no idea why, but all the time she would borrow my tablet and because she's too young to type or spell, figured out how to use the voice command function to look up "make up videos".  It was cute!  On occasion I'd watch over her shoulder or she'd ask me to snuggle with her while we watched some of these tutorials.  More often than not, we ended up on the page of this cute little girl who did Monster High makeup tutorials and on the pages of Kandee Johnson.

Kandee is a celebrity makeup artist who has her YouTube channel and one or two blogs.  She makes tutorials for things like: how to apply winged eyeliner, how to contour and highlight your face, reviews of beauty products, and imitating other celebrity beauty looks.  At first you will be captured by Kandee's energy.  She's upbeat and chatty and descriptive and happy and goofy and funny - and really quite good at what she does.  The more we watched the more I learned.  As some of you know, I do my makeup in the car so learning and applying new techniques was difficult but as long as I don't poke my eye out I consider it a win.  There's so much I never even knew about!  I had to buy more play makeup for my little girl so she could put it on me while describing what she was doing, just like in a tutorial.  "Now I'm applying some shimmer to the inner corner of your eye to make it pop!"  Maybe I'll record her sometime and post it :)  

Aside from the makeup, I grew to know Kandee a little more.  In every video she tells people that they are more beautiful than they think, more talented than they know and sends hugs from her house to yours.   She doesn't do just makeup.  In her videos she gives her heart.  It's hard to explain.  She's one of those people that just radiates joy and encouragement.  She's sweet, like her name implies.  She doesn't try to tell you what to do or what not to do, what is right or what is wrong - she just tells you that you're amazing.  She makes you feel wonderful somehow.  She's never negative and always inspirational.  I look up to her and hope that I can emanate the kind of love and joy that she does someday.  

Recently she vlogged about surviving the holidays after losing a loved one.  I have pasted the link here for those of you that might find it helpful and I hope that it does.  Give her a chance:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waL5eBdpWTo

One of my favorite Kandee videos is this one with her sister:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hG5EJMa0lwA 
I love how they interact with each other, love their sisterly bond.  This one makes me smile a lot.
And speaking of Kandee's sister... she is currently suffering from some infections related to Lyme Disease.  Shout out to my good friend Riley!  Dr. Riley, let's get this disease a cure!  (My good friend Dr. Riley is a scientist studying for the cure.)  I would post a link from her blog so you can read about that but I think I've given you enough links for the day :)  

Sorry for the hasty post.  I wanted to get this out before Christmas because of the holiday aspect of it.  Don't forget to comment, share, subscribe and give me ideas for new topics!

Hey.  Merry Christmas to you all.  I am extremely thankful for your readership.  Truly.  Warm holiday wishes from my heart to yours <3 

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Young Inspiration


At four years old, my son started Taekwondo in the Tiny Lions program.  At that time it was the first extra curricular activity he was involved in.  Fast forward four years and he's in the top black belt program going to the DoJang up to four times a week as a deputy black belt.  The time finally arrived to test for that grand prize at this level: the first dan black belt.

Aside from the financial impact the test had on us $$$$$ (which I've told some of you about), this was the real deal.  He had to write an essay, draw a picture of the Korean flag, submit copies of his report cards, get a letter of recommendation, put in 60 volunteer hours at the DoJang, memorize the form of every belt before his, and know the Korean names of them when he's called upon to do them.

On the big day we arrived about an hour early, but it was more like almost two hours early because if you know Korean time, they are always running late :).  Joey went to stretch with his classmates which were both adults and children.  There was a woman there around my age that was also testing and she had a broken arm.  A BROKEN ARM!  They had to do push-ups and spar!  Anyway, the very first thing the black belt testers had to do when they were ready for them was run ten laps in the parking lot.  In the snow.  Shoes, no coat.  It was snowing and cold that day.  Ten laps were big, I'd say total it was between 1.5 and 1.75 miles.  My kid made it the whole time.  He did all ten.  I say that because some of the adults and kids alike didn't make it.  I puffed up pretty proud right then.  Next were some push ups, sit ups, kicking drills, hand technique drills, combination technique drills....  I was told the point was to get them so tired before the test really even began so that their whole being is tested.  Think about what I've told you so far.  To even be allowed the opportunity to test he had to complete everything I listed in the paragraph above.  Then on testing day, your physical, mental and spiritual limitations are put to the test again.  I think this is a good thing.  I believe my son was taught that earning your black belt is just that.  You HAVE to earn it.  With everything - and I love that it wasn't just based on physical ability.

The test began with forms.  Grand Master shouted out forms, same and different to  everyone testing.  The testers would perform their form while two other students did their best to distract them.  They danced around them and told them jokes and told them they were doing it wrong.  He nailed that no problem.  Next was board breaking which almost gave me heart attack #1 because you only get 3 attempts.  Period.  And the board holders were from a different school and kept holding them differently than Joey was used to.  Thankfully, he passed that as well.  Barely, but it's still a pass!  Then it was time to spar.  2 on 1 again, Joey being pinned to the ground, never having wrestled and he was down there for so long.  Everyone (including me in my jeans and heels!) was on the ground cheering for him.  It seemed like an eternity and it was killing me because I could see the angst in his face.  It was my least favorite part of the day.  My baby was pressed against the ground unable to get up.  Again though - this kid did NOT give up.  Next he had to spar one on one which was fine.  Then it was how many push-ups can you do in a minute and how many sit-ups can you do in a minute.  Poor kid was so wiped out.  He actually has a decent push-up, unlike most kids his age who just 'airhump'.

Everyone was individually evaluated.  Some were asked questions.  The whole thing just went on forever before the kids were asked to turn around while the judges conferred.  Finally the announcement was made and his black belt was presented!  We arrived that day at 11am.  Testing started at almost 1 and we didn't leave Algonquin until 4pm.  Grueling.  But he earned it.  Without a doubt.  I am so proud of him.  Even though I did have a sad moment when I realized he no longer likes to be hugged by his mom in public...  Oh well, I knew it would come one day.  We left there and went straight to Culver's where my little boy ordered two crispy chicken sandwiches :)

So what's the point besides the obvious bragging about my kid?  Honestly if it was me I'm not sure I could have done it.  Maybe.  But I'd have griped a lot more.  My kid has always been the intellectual type.  He's so tolerant, especially of his sister.  He's so sweet and obedient.  Let's face it - he's not what people see as the typical face of the black belt.  But what is most important is what he put out there for everyone to judge that day.  And he earned the title he received.  A lot of things aren't what we expect them to be based on looking at them.  I've already told you that you can surprise even yourself.  You might not look the part, you might not even think you can play the part.  But with enough hard work and at least one cheerleader - even if that cheerleader is yourself - you can accomplish amazing things.  I asked Joey if that was as hard as he expected.  He said it was twice as hard.  I asked him if it was the hardest thing he's ever had to do.  He said, "Yes."


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I leave you with a post from a friend of mine, a fellow blogger who also happens to be an editor.  She wrote about something that I know some close friends of mine can relate to, and she's brave for doing it.  I can't write about these kinds of things anymore....yet.  But in this case I don't need to because almost every thing she wrote could have come from my fingers.

So you gotta hang on  
'Til tomorrow
Come what may
~ Annie

Monday, December 9, 2013

MY Blerch

GoJane had a great post on Facebook today, something like 'If days were shoes, Mondays would be clogs.'  Ha!
Also great is this Bears game so far :)  Hey, we need the win.  (Update 45-28 F)

So I really feel like I left things kind of hasty yesterday.  I know it didn't seem like much, but it took me months to compose the first post.  Not due to content, obviously, but because of my anxiety.  Then I finally published, then waited, then realized I should probably take it down because it was so...short?  Partial?  I don't know.  Then with every notification I received, I became more and more anxious.  Comment notifications would make me the most nervous - what are you thinking, what did you say to me?  All the likes brought to light just how many people are out there, how many of you I'm friends with, and what beautiful people you are for being so supportive.  Thank you, it calms me some.  It's more than hard to bare all in words for the internet to see...

I'm sort of a runner.  When people ask me if I'm a runner I don't give an emphatic "YES" but the more I think about it, I suppose I am even though I'm by no means good at it.  I started running on a team in middle school and continued sprinting in high school.  I am a licensed IHSA official in Track and Field and for the past two summers I've been the head coach of the Rockford Fire Track and Field team.  When you get older there really aren't sprints to compete in.  On the contrary, 'distance' races have become trendy.  I don't like them for that reason - however - one of my resolutions was to complete a distance race in 2011.  Therefore the first distance race I ever completed was with Nancy (first shout out - yay!) and Jerry, and it was the Shamrock Shuffle 8k in downtown Chicago.  Side note - if you are considering a race for the first time I highly recommend running one downtown.  Fans are everywhere and I couldn't have made it without the entertainment many of them provided.  From the guy selling high-fives to the guy dressed JUST like Will Ferrell in the cowbell skit - it was amazing.

If you've never visited theoatmeal.com , then I'm a little glad because I get to show you something cool today and if you HAVE, then that's wonderful and you know what I mean but I'm still hoping you will be amused by what I'm going to share.  I came across this article a couple of months ago - right after I finished the Women Rock 10k in late September.  I felt very accomplished after this run (I don't say race because I'm not fast - I just want to finish alive), so accomplished that I knew I could have confidence and actually post a blog one day ;)  Before I continue, here is the comic:
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/running
It takes a little bit to finish, but I promise, as with everything on this site - it's worth it.  I was smitten by it, the genius, the humor, and in the end I had tears in my eyes.  It hits home.  He articulated everything so well, at least for me, but I think other runners or anyone pushing themselves physically would also agree.  Now, everything is not identical.  My blerch still represents "gluttony, apathy, and indifference".  I don't run ultra marathons like this guy does, nor do I run fast.  10k was my longest.  I wasn't a fat kid.  But the guts are still the same.  I run to make myself feel better about all the other horrible habits I have.  When I run I feel like it gives me a few freebies on what I eat and how little I might move.  It IS a magical shortcut to euphoria.  You DO defeat the Kracken.  Our lives are filled with so much.  Every day.  All day.  As I alluded to earlier, I am not only an analyst but I also have anxiety.  That often leads to non-stop brain.  I know a lot of you have similar situations.  We have concerns, plans, "fear, regret, doubt, cake"...

I encourage you to find your clarity.  And realize that it might be in the place you least expect.  But rewarding it will be.  Encourage each other.  Sharon came with me to my first race - the 8k - and I had so much encouragement in words, text and onsite cheering for that 10k.  I finished that 10k.  At the end I said to myself, "I f-ing did it".  It was empowering.  It was hard work and I did it.  I finished and did better than I thought.  You know yourself better than anyone else knows you - and you can still surprise yourself.  

Thanks for reading and thanks for your encouragement.  Don't forget to comment and follow below for an easy way to be notified of new posts.